LA’TOYA NICOLE FLETCHER- SUICIDE TO SUCCESS; A STORY TO BE HEARD
Photo shot by D Jerome Smedley
Photo shot by D Jerome Smedley
When I was Four Years old; a very decadent, lush, and posh television show debuted by the name of Dynasty. The year was 1981, and nothing like this show had ever been televised. My dearly departed mother, Autrey Fletcher was a huge fan of the television phenomenon. Dynasty featured gorgeous, flawless women, designer clothes, expensive jewels, flashy cars, caviar, and lots of champagne. The plot lines were your typical soap opera drama, but what truly made Dynasty stand out to my mother and I was Diahann Carroll. Diahann Carroll was stunning, elegant, poised, rich, and she was black. To see a black woman of that stature being featured on a prime-time television show, with a mainly Caucasian cast in the eighties was truly a sight to behold. She wasn’t playing the role of the maid, she wasn’t the cook, nor was she the typical token black best friend of her white counterparts. She was part of the main cast; and she was one of it’s stand out stars. Seeing this not only inspired my mother’s creative wardrobe on a very tight budget, but it gave me hope that this lifestyle could be obtainable for a young black girl that looks just like me.
My family was anything, but rich. We were a poor family based in Bessemer, Alabama. Both of my parents worked blue collar jobs. My mother worked in retail and my father worked in the factory industry. My mother, Autrey Fletcher was a high school graduate who finished third in her class and had scholarships to both Alabama A&M and Tuskegee Universities. However, being the oldest child amongst four siblings; she had to turn down her scholarships and her pursuits of becoming a Register Nurse because her father was away serving his country in the United States Marines. Just like my mother, my father, Loin Fletcher Jr. had somewhat similar circumstances. His father was away serving his country too in the United States Army. My father dropped out of high school at age sixteen and obtained a job at Bessemer Tobacco Warehouse to help aid in supporting his parent’s household. In the mist of being supportive children to their parents, these two beautiful young people found each other, got married, and began a family that produced five children. I wasn’t born until 1977 when my parents were in their 40s. Although I grew up in a two-parent household, “life for us hadn’t been no crystal stair (Langston Hughes).” As I grew up, I began to notice the differences in my home compared to that of my friend’s. I begin to realize at a very early age, my family didn’t have the finances to live a certain lifestyle. I was often bullied at school about my parent’s ages, the jheri curl in my hair, and the car(s) that they drove. However, my beautiful, hardworking mother would sacrifice her paycheck from Bargain Town to make me look and feel as if I was Lisa Turtle from Saved By The Bell. It is because of the circumstances that my family and I went through, I have decided to dedicated this article and my photo shoot from the Jose’ Pagan Photo Tour to my mother. She was my original fashionista. My creativity, my love of fashion, wearing wigs, and my love of makeup all comes from her. I looked for fashion pieces that I thought that she would have not only liked, but that she would have approved of if she was still alive today. Besides our shared love for the tv show, Dynasty; we also watched Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous. She and I would pretend to be transported to all of the mansions, yachts, and exotic locations that we saw being televised while taking pictures with her polaroid camera. She meant a lot to me. She was truly my Earth Angel. I lost my mother on July 13, 2008 due to the complications of Cardiac Lupus. Every accomplishment and goal achieved this year has been dedicated to her memory, and I hope that she would have been proud.
QSM: Tell me something personal about you that most people do not know.
Photo shot by Jose Pagan Photography
La'Toya Nicole: Something that most people may not know about me is that I am a Suicide Survivor. Unfortunately, when I was 21 years old, I attempted to take my own life. I had fallen deeply in love for the first time, and I had lost my virginity to this person. I thought that this man was my everything at this phase in my life. He was extremely beautiful, he was intelligent, smart, came from a beautiful Christian home, and he was the air that I lived and breathed. When we didn’t go through with our marriage, then I was devastated. At the time, my relationship with my mother was extremely strained, and I had a former friend backstab me by telling my mother a lot of personal things about me. That same friend was also trying everything in her power to come between and break up my relationship. I was experiencing financial difficulties too. So, with a heavy heart, I attempted to take my own life by taking multiple Benadryl tablets. I had taken the entire pack. But, my roommate, and my ex-boyfriend's mother called the paramedics. They rushed me to the emergency room where they pumped my stomach. Having my stomach pumped is something that I don't ever want to experience again. It was there, that I asked God to forgive me for being so selfish. I wasn't even thinking about how my death would have affected those in my life who loved and cared about me. I wasn't considering how my death would have stopped God's Plans for my life, and the lives that He was going to use me to influence and impact for His Glory. I started therapy after that awful week in the Summer of 1998. I was diagnosed with severe depression, and I was placed on Prozac some time afterwards which helped with my depression and mood swings. God's Love, my loving and supportive family and friends, therapy, and taking Prozac brought me through that very dark time in my life.
Photo shot by D Jerome Smedley
QSM: WOW! What a story! I want to also give you my sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother. I imagine 14 years or 14 days; the grief never ends. Since losing your mom, what has been the toughest lessons that you had to learn without her?
La'Toya Nicole: Thank you for expressing your condolences, Tawana. That means a lot to me. I can truly say that my toughest lessons that I have had to endure or face since losing my mother is coping with not having her presence during the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holiday seasons. With each passing year, the void of not having her grows bigger and more noticeable. As mentioned earlier, my parents had me in their 40s, so there's this big age gap between my siblings and myself. My sister and I are 19 years apart, while there's my oldest brother with an 18-year gap, and my other brothers with a 13 year plus gap. They have their own families to be concerned with. So, this time of year can be quite lonely for me. I try hard to focus on my mental health. I usually find solace in my friendships, and therapist. I try to tap into my creativity as well. My mom loved to decorate this time of year, and I am not the biggest fan of decorating. However, I do this to honor her. Putting up Christmas Decorations makes me feel closer to her in a sense. When my mom would feel sad or lonely, she would create and decorate. It was a coping mechanism for her. I have adopted this same philosophy. Plus, I advocate Mental Health strongly this time of year. This is when suicide rates really increase. Me being a suicide survivor, I try to make my Mental Monday Health Check Post focus on people providing support to their love ones who may be single, depressed, divorced, widowed, the elderly, ect.., Giving back even when you are in pain, can be one of the most selfless acts that you can do, and that is exactly what she did. It is a tough, but gratifying lesson that I have learned from her.
QSM: You mentioned your mom being a fashionista; did she dress you up in cute clothes like a baby doll growing up?
La'Toya Nicole: Absolutely! I would most definitely be her living baby doll. She would often look in Sears and Spiegel Catalogs for my fashion inspirations. Anything that she couldn't afford to buy, she would find an almost inexpensive dupe at Bargain Town. On picture day at school, she would always dress me up with a floral dress, with a huge bow collar, and a cancan skirt underneath. I always had two hair ribbons in my hair. One primary color, and the other color was an accent color or a pop of color to her pleasing. My first-grade teacher called my mom and asked her how she came up with the concept of putting my squiggly eyed pom-pom berets onto the knees of my jogging suits. My mom told her that I had torn a hole in one to the knees, and that she didn't have any patches lying around, so God gave her that creative concept. She was highly impressed like most of my elementary teachers, administrators, and the school’s staff were at my mom's fashion creativity.
QSM: What was the pivotal moment in your life that made you want to pursue modeling?
La'Toya Nicole: Honestly, it was the encouragement from my male best friend, D Jerome Smedley. I was always playing around with it as a child, and I did some teen modeling. However, it was when Derrick approached me at a mutual friend's wedding asking me to come in for some test shots for his Phenomenon Calendar. This calendar is dedicated to Maya Angelou's "Phenomenal Woman" poem. This calendar was to feature women of color from different regions throughout the entire southeast region of the United States. When I was casted as Ms. Kwanza for the month of December, I was ecstatic; but little did I know that I was going to be featured on the front, and inside covers as well. This was my first professional publishing and print modeling gig at the age of 22. I was happy, I had fallen in love with the art form and concept of professional fashion modeling, and I was forever hooked.
Photo shot by D Jerome Smedley
QSM: I want to pose this question to you because it was a conversation that I recently had with someone else. How do you define modeling vs taking pictures for social media? Where do you fall and why?
La'Toya Nicole: Oh wow, how much time do you have? LOL! Joking, but seriously, modeling to me is an art form used to express one's creativity whether you are being your own canvas, or someone else's. The fact is that you are allowing your body to be used in an artistic way to convey a fashion statement, to showcase creative inspiration, or to express a message to society. Whatever it may be, you are in fact the muse of the moment for that cause or purpose. Modeling also has many genres. So, researching what avenue you may want to pursue also separates it from someone just taking pictures for social media. Practicing, perfecting the craft of modeling, positive networking, and investing in a modeling career has led to some pretty amazing people becoming full time fashion models or supermodels. Modeling has blessed some people with endorsements, traveling to some pretty cool locations, and some have even obtained a generous salary to be able to live comfortably from the profession of modeling. So to me, these facts alone separates it from the social selfie culture. However, I don't hate on those who love taking pictures for social media. As far as Social Media Models go, I commend them on creating a lane for themselves to make money. I am all about positivity. I say do whatever makes you happy, however I think there is a legitimacy to being a professional model vs. being a social media model. Too, there's a not so respectable or inappropriate reputation that comes along with social media modeling. So, one will have to weigh the pros and cons of which avenue can be beneficial to them and their lifestyle. One may have to ask themselves, are you in this for the social media attention of clicks, views, and likes? Or is this a serious and passionate pursuit?
Photo shot by D Jerome Smedley
QSM: I like that response. If you had an opportunity to create one major change in the plus fashion industry, what would it be?
La'Toya Nicole: If I had the opportunity to create one major change in the plus fashion industry, then that change would be colorism. Featurism can be included in this as well. I am a brown skinned African American female with African or black features. I am not a light skinned, Latino, or a racially ambiguous model with a 2C hair curl pattern. I am brown skinned, standing at 5'3, with large breasts, hips, and a gapped smile. I am super happy to see the advancements that we are making, but we still have a way to go as far as mainstream plus modeling goes. Far too often, I see light skinned or racially ambiguous models being casted to represent African American models in major or national ad campaigns for clothing store franchises, billboards, commercials, and etc.., I am not here to take away from my light skinned sisters hard work, investments or time spent for their successful achievements; however I must shine some light on the fact that the phenotypically African American woman is often overlooked in favor to someone of the previous mentioned complexion. I will be happy to see more doors being opened to my plus size brown and chocolate sisters because African American women are the original gatekeepers of the plus size community.
QSM: What is your favorite holiday and why? How do you spend it?
La'Toya Nicole: Actually, Christmas is still my favorite holiday. As lonely as it may be for me at times, I still adore it because of who and what it represents. I am a devout Christian, and I have no shame in saying that. I am not a religious fanatic. I am a Jesus Fanatic. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is all about Jesus, His Birth, and His biblical concepts. I celebrate Jesus' birth, resurrection, and His philosophies. I am here to spread love and cheer throughout the year. I love the Spirit of giving. I love the good human nature and joy that is spread this time of year. I love to see the joy and smiles on children's faces as they receive the items from their Christmas List. I love to see all the beautiful camaraderie. I love seeing families and friends getting together for ugly Christmas Sweater parties, I love seeing Christmas Eve Pajama Onesie celebrations, I love seeing all the Christmas Pageants, and Balls taking place. This time of year, is truly special and I am blessed and fortunate to see and experience it all.
QSM: I certainly enjoyed chatting with you and getting to know you more. Please let people know where they can find and support you. Oh and I totally love that you are a Langston Hughes fan. It was because of him that I fell in love with poetry growing up.
La'Toya Nicole: https://www.facebook.com/la.t.fletcher
Instagram: @latoyanicolethemodel and @la_toyanicole205
